Day 9

Is it that hard to smile, no it's quite easy actually, and it makes me feel good. A smile can change someones day dramaticaly, their outlook on the day alters when they see people smiling. Well it does for me, a smile is alot more reasuring than a phonie tough guy with no emotions look. Because we all know the tough guy shit is put on, I put it on, it's not only an intimidaion method but it is a defence tactik, it is a great way to hide emotions, bottle them up and avoid facing your true feelings.

So father, after he kicked me out my youngest brother moved in, well he was staying there for about a week while I was still there, that is another problem of dads, he bites off more than he can chew. He talks about how he wants to have all us boys living with him in his safe environment and sooner down the track we will move into a house in Wollongong. No thanks dad, living with my older brother is only a last resort and who did he think he was saying that we are going to move to Wollongong. It was stupid, hyporcitical, that he rarely ever saw us, and for long periods of time he wanted nothing to do with us. Bogus. My uncles have the same problem with my cousins, they're selfish, and only think of what's best for themselves rather than their family, my family. I guess it all comes from their parents, my grandparents, despite my love for them, expecialy my innocent Nanna. My Nannu on the other had is one of the phoniest people I know, he hide behind his Maltese and Christian loving alias, he is the darn most Christian fellow I have every met. Sorry about that sarcasim in the last sentence but he is a hypocrite if I ever met one, smothers himself with saints and Jesus but if only people knew about his schieming ways and shark like nature. He is my grandfather and I do love him, but as a person, ha. As a gradfather icon I judge that he does just that, uses his icon of having grandchildren to gain love and respect amungst his community, that he is a family man. Bogus, he does whats best fo himself, and if one of his boys is said to be in the wrong he won't hear a word of it, his boys are perfect, ha, even he knows how imperfect they are, how he has been screwed over by his own son yet paints the picture of a perfect son to others so that he is seen as perfect, I mean if they knew how imperfect his son was than that will reflect badly on him, that is something that he cannot have. Ignorance is bliss to him, I say bogus to that phonie crap.

It's sad that I can sit here and say all these nasty things about my fathers side of my family, but if they're wasn't any nasty things to say than I wouldn't say it, and if they justified or atleast tried to make right their wrongs and evil deeds as I put it, than I would have said so. But no actions have happened so I shall leave it as that.

It is my brothers birthday today and still have not got a present for him. But I am arriving at school in less than 30 seconds. So till next time.

iBen

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