Day 12

It's St Joseph's day today, I'm not sure if it actually is acording to the catholic church calander but today at school we are celebrating it. This just means one less day to be learning vital information before half yearly examinations. I could have stayed home and tried to fit some studying in but aparently I is a compulsory school day, so in between the liturgy, egg and spoon races and also the cross country I will be looking for Mrs Davis to catch up on my polynomial and plane geometry.

I don't know what to expect from today, I will try my bet to make it enjoyable for everyone including myself, just not too keen on sitting through another liturgy. After I was kicked out from dads, my younger brother was being pressured to go everywhere with dad and to spend everyday there. I feel like I am repeating myself so skip to how dad kicked him out because he wanted to spend a day with mum, and so now he had been living in between my grandperents place and with my older brother. Eventually he was moved to my older brothers place, (finally a seat on the bus) and that's when the stupidity started with dad. When my younger brother went to my dads to pick up his clothes that dad has been pestering and even involving a solicitor to send a letter to mum informing my brother to contact him to pick up the rest of his belonging. So what does dad do when he gets there, tells him to go away, he never wanted him to come get his things. Even after my brother showed him the text message that dad sent to him saying to come pick up his things he still tried to deny it. Things got really stupid after that, my brother ended up in tears, dad called the police on him to get him to go away, who the fuck in their right mind calls the police on their own child, expecially something as fucking stupid as this. My brother ended up throwing a starter motor through his back window, and when the police came they turned a blind eye toward the window, they even suported my brother in telling dad just to let him get his belongings. But no the idiot still didn't let him ge his things, he called his solicitor and got him to tell the officer to back off or someshit, that is another thing that pisses me the fuck off, lawyers are supposed to uphold what is right, but they just defend the cash supply even when they know it's not the right thing to do. Greedy bastards, that's what made me decide that I didn't want to be a lawyer. So yea I have not tried to make contact to dad this year as he really hasn't been worth making contact too, there is another thing but I don't think it would be apropriate to discuss it on here.

Holy fuck it smells like urine on this bus! Why, why the hell would it smell like urine, I don't believe anyone would have urinated on a school bus.

Before my incident at dads which caused me to get kicked out, which I believe to be around late October, I was living there since about, sorry I have forgotten when I first moved in but I belive it to be around March. Shit my memories are all there but I can't put a percise timeline next to it, I know it was sometime while I was living with dad, September I think when I came out, it was one of my favourite moments in life, so much pressue had been relieved, I didn't have to look at myself and hate the fact that I wasn't open about who I really was. It was in June I think, June because it was at a birthday party and her birthday is at the begining of June, when I first told someone that I was gay. It was probably when depression was hitting me the worst, that night I wanted to die, I brought a full bottle of Jim Beam to the party and ended up downing three quaters o it straight in the first hour, I really was not planning on waking up in the morning. I don't remember how it happened but one moment I was talking to Bsut on the verge of tears, next I was on the bathroom floor vomiting and crying 'I don't want to do this anymore'. The rest is black untill I woke up, found out that brown was caring for me the whole night, called my dad to come (might I add he took his time), and carryied me to the car, hence why he is my gaurdian angel.

Arived at school so I hope to continue this story later today.

iBen

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