Fuel

It's not unusual for me to be somewhere and be judged, it's not unusual for anyone I suppose, I mean everyone judges, just not as bad as others. But sitting here now infront of these two personas, I feel very uncomfortable, as if I have failed them. It's as though if I please one of them the other will be disapointed in me, even though he is me? Who cares they are only drawings. I have taken over an art room and locked the doors, this is my room now, it feels so wierd, to be alone but not. I don't know how to describe it, I feel like I am in a state of bliss but in any second I can snap and kick over these desks. I need a new bow, this one is way to emotionaly stressful, I don't think I'll be able to sit the hsc if I keep freaking out over seeing my true self. If I grow up, I want an art studio, that's my condition. In an art studio you can express yourself and release all your raw emotion and then transfer it into something magnificent. I should probably write my English speech, which is fucking stupid! Why should I need to write about the techniques in a poem, I don't want to waste time worrying about what others have done before me and how they did it, I am not a follower, I am a leader, their techniques are their own and knowing their practice is not going to help me develop my own practice, it will only allow me to recreate what they did. Einstein said that education is what remains when one forgets all they have learnt at school. How are we supposed to create something new and never thought of when all we are doing are learning of what has been done before and has alreay been created or discovered, Einstein would have never come up with the princible of relitivity if all he did was study what was already known.

iBen with a silent F

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