iBen with an invisible F

Well what do I rant about now, how much I hate certain individuals, how I get urges to stab and burn, why I can't understand how people can be so ignorant and let people walk all over them... This is an undiscovered chapter of my life, I am far from an agresive person, I would consider hurting myself before anyone else, but after the constant bullshit I am recieving, the half wit fuck has all but pushed me off the edge. This hidden me that I have managed to find within my closet has opened a new relm in my mind, one of utter chaos, hatred, anger and no care for anyones life but my own... And it makes me fucking sick! I don't like to swear in my posts but Im just not that good with words to emphasise how much I hate this thing inside of me, the mirror image of him. I want it destroyed, dead, banished from my mind. I'm going to have to have a chat with a special someone to see if killing one of your personas can be harmful to mental state. When I look at it like that I can't see that it could be harmful, well if you already have personas in your mind then I guess that your mental state of mind isn't to 'normal'... Fuck normal.

I get sad you know, I hope you are aware that I am just as human as you and that I am able to feel sadness. I thought I couldn't at one stage, but let's nt talk about that. I feel pain somtimes just like you do, I may be able to deal with my pain alot better than you but I still feel it. Seriously I think these blogs are bad for my image, but heyy, I don't let m image get to me, I stay true to myself, if I want to say it I will say it, if you think badly of me then you deal with it in your own way, call me names, don't talk to me, whatever, to me that's a good thing, I don't want to be around people who don't like what they see but they still hang around for their own reason. I like to be with people that actually wan to be with me, I like to be with people that I want to be with, if I don't want to be around you for whatever reason than I won't be around you, and I expect the same. I guess I am aiming this at those phonie people out there, I have just remembered that there are fellow bloggers such as Pat that may read my post's, and I think we are both awarethat we don't sit together at school, and I am sorry if you got the wrong impression with what I said. Even though I don't sit with you doesn't mean I don't like you, I like you Pat, you are a really nice, funny and true to yourself person. So I don't mean to say that everone that I don't sit with or hang out with I don't like, I'm just saying that the people that I consider 'phonie' I will isolate myself from. This is my social anxiaty kicking in, I just don't want some people getting the wrong impression, I suppose the phonie people know who they are, and I am almost 100% sure that the people that are reading this are not the phonie people, because they are reading it. Fuck I can rant sometimes.

iBen

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