So yea I feel great, I'm happy, Dean's just gone off to work and yea I know I'll be alone for the rest of the day but it doesn't seem to worry me right now, things are looking pretty good. We went to the spa on Monday afternoon, it was good lol, well it was like most other times, theres always some weird person or people that hop in while we're in there, haha it was pretty funny because Dean was acting all gay and stuff in front of them, unfortunately I didn't catch on lol. Oh yea, so Hugh, Deans friend, the one thats a little obsessed with him, is coming up to play tennis with him on Thursday, so he invited me to come play and yea I hope it will go okay, its just I have no reason to trust that Hugh wont try something, I know he is probably a great friend and Dean really wants to keep that friendship strong, I just don't know if Hugh is able to accept that they are just friends, I hope he does cause its not fair on Dean that they're friendship would have to suffer, and its not comfortable for me when it feels like hes trying to take Dean from me. Like taking him to Sydney to go out, like he knows I'm here, it's not really what a friend does, like whenever my friends invite me somewhere they invite Dean as well, but you know its a bit odd to take someones boyfriend out but not their partner so obviously he still is obsessing over Dean. Is that all I do, complain? Its just not fair on Dean, its not fair when you try hard to be a friend when they want more, sorta like with Jessye, eww, but yea its like when Sarah introduced me to Jessye because he had like no friends, but then when I became his friend and introduced him to my friends he just became so... whats the word, "look at me I'm a missive homosexual and I like to wear nail polish and do homosexual stuff" Thats not really the same circumstances but its the same situation, like you try to be someones friend when they want something different in return.
Ew seeing that name in my blog makes me a bit ugh. I just got a message from dad, its my cousins birthday next month so they're having a party or something at my grandparents on the 6th November, Its Suma's birthday party that night as well so I can stop into my grandparents during the day and then head to Newtown in the afternoon, I hope Dean would be alright with coming, I'd like him to come.
But yea, I'm fair tempted to paint the walls, not pro like, just splatter paint everywhere, in my head it looks pretty awesome. I'm hungry, I might dig into this chocolate frosting stuff Dean and I got, omg it tastes so good, but I should have breakfast first. I've always pictured myself as being someone that I would hate, I really don't think I would like me if there was two of me, I don't mean I would hate me if I was someone else, I mean like if there were two of me, I would hate the other me, I think because he knows me, like he would be able to predict me way to well and oh god, like I would think 'hmm I could like frame things on him' but he would think the same and it would be a race to whoever frame the other first but we both know that were racing each other so we would have to take out the competition so we would both try to kill each other and all this thought process would be in the space of like a split second so were both just staring at each other thinking 'kill him' but then I would think 'nah lets forget about this and just live a normal life' but knowing me I would see this as a sign of weakness and kill the other while they have dropped their guard, I really cant trust myself with my weaknesses, is that terrible that I would kill my other self at the slightest sign of weakness? I don't care if it is, cause the situation will never arise, I just like to talk shit sometimes, keeps my mine active =]
All is right in my life, sort of =]
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