Now they'll never find out

I've always told people how much I love this song, but not many (if any) people know what it's about. The Presets are simply amazing, one of them being gay influences their songs, this song in particular. It's called If I Know You, it's about this boy that had a relationship with another boy, but then he has a change in thought, he leaves his boyfriend and tries to hide his true self by dating a girl, he knows he doesn't like the girl but he feels that being who he is is wrong, so he lies. But love surpasses this barrier, his lover is still in love with him and knows that what he is doing is wrong, even though he stopped talking to him all together. What they had was so good, and how could he do this if what they were doing was so right. The point is listen to the song, the lyrics are amazingly insightful, and it has always been a situation on my mind that I thought would be so difficult on both sides, having such hate and doubt in who you are and being the partner that has had this done to them. I pray that what is happening with Dean and I will never come close to this. A couple of months ago Dean had a relationship with a girl, which I find somewhat reasonable yet odd, when I had girlfriends it was because I was trying to prove to myself I wasn't gay, but once I accepted I was then I stopped having any relationship along those lines with the opposite sex, that part I understand, but Dean accepted he was gay before I did, yet he still willingly had a relationship with her. They still talk regularly, and it was yesterday that really set things going. She sent him a message saying that she still liked him and that she thinks he probably has a girlfriend. He asked me what he should do, I told him to tell her, but no, I can't tell her, it'll crush her. Argh, it's crushing her slower by just leading her on, I tried telling him but no, it's different with her, he can't just tell her, so he replies with, no I don't have a girlfriend. Argh, I have an obligation to feel sorry for her, just a self obligation, but there is also the possibility that he is ashamed of who he is and wants to hide away, he said he want to be good friends with her but doesn't want to tell her or be with her. How about how I feel, like yea, it feels terrible, it's like you're a part of someone but they are ashamed of you. I don't think he intends it, but it feels like that, but I live him, and if I want to be with him I have to understand that he is going through a really tough stage, he is fearful of his families reaction, but he can still take my feelings into consideration. I think he sensed that I was upset, so he stopped showing me the messages and he sent a message and told me that he told her, now they're going out for lunch tomorrow, he asked me to come but I have school. I think he might have told her something, he may have wanted me there for support, it's so frustrating because this is a critical time for my studies but I love him. I don't know what else to say, I need to be there for him, but I have to let him know how I feel too.