I wish I could stop thinking. I can't handle the thoughts anymore. I pulled the knife on myself again, all the stress from yesterday is sending me insane, I'm freaking out, and he doesn't seem to realize, how naive. It's a bit annoying that the only time I see him is if I make the effort to go see him, yet he will stay home to play the sims than come over an spend some time with me. Yea I get it, were with each other all the time, but were not, when were there, were not together, it's not the same, it's like he's not my boyfriend, and it hurts. I can't even walk, I'm stuck in this field wondering who is going to come and save me this time, how can I save myself if I'm my own worst enemy. I hate these kids, so ignorant as to what they're growing into.
I'm ready for death, I've been prepared for it for a long time. I'm scared as hell, it took me long enough to accept that love was worth having even though I could die soon. I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore, these words make 'no fucking sense to me, I hate reality, I fucking hate it, I can't move an I feel sick, I just want it all to end, it's not anyones fault, I wasn't abused, I wasn't brought up wrong, I wasn't treated bad by anyone, I just want to shut out the thoughts
- iBen =]x
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